A Move to Disfellowship Jesus from our Church
Dear Esteemed Church Board Members,
Six months ago we met to decide what we could do to help our dying, stagnant church. I proposed a solution: We would invite Jesus to attend our church. It was unanimously agreed upon, and we were surprised to find that Jesus came the following Sabbath.
Since that day, Jesus has been heavily involved in all areas of our church. We naturally assumed that given his background, He would be the perfect fit for just about all areas of ministry. Jesus has been a willing volunteer. However, I have noticed some things that have disturbed me and I know I am not alone in this feeling.
I first noticed feeling uncomfortable when I saw Jesus participating in our worship and praise service. The music was a bit too “peppy” and it seemed to cause members of our church, including Jesus, to clap along with the rhythm. We asked them to only do hymns from then on and to have only the piano accompany. They have respected our wishes. But Jesus’ response to the hymns are honestly worse. Every Sabbath He has tears rolling down His cheeks and waxes on about how beautiful the lyrics are. This particularly makes the men in the church uncomfortable.
We hoped that Jesus’ attendance to Sabbath School would be intellectually stimulating for many of our adult members who have grown tired of hearing the same lessons over and over again. Unfortunately, Jesus has spent most of his Sabbaths in the children’s Sabbath School wing. In the beginning this was disappointing, but we told ourselves that it was good for Jesus to influence our children. They are the future of our church, after all! But I have heard the rumors that Jesus has been reading to the children from the Message Bible. I’m not sure what else He may be introducing the children to. I’m afraid His radical ideas may be leading our children down a different path than what we want.
Speaking of His radical ideas, Jesus has encouraged a number of women in our church to pursue elder’s positions, to share testimonies with young adults and youth, and even to PREACH from the pulpit. He questions the validity of having the women prepare the potluck food during the sermon, despite knowing that our kitchen has speakers that can play the sermon while they prepare. This has been particularly upsetting to many members, especially to those who sat on the nominating committee and prayerfully considered who would be a good fit for different jobs in our church. Many men AND WOMEN have complained that they are not comfortable with some of the roles Jesus has encouraged certain women into. Jesus claims that God’s will is not always in line with our decisions. I was quick to point out to Him that if He actually attended our church board meetings, He would see that we do open and close with prayer.
Our church also looks very different from how it looked 6 months ago. The people that Jesus has been inviting and/or attracting to our church are, frankly, embarrassing. We have homeless people who smell bad. I’m not saying that to be rude, I’m just being honest. How can He expect me to gain a blessing from the sermon if I can’t even breathe! There are also the two gentlemen who have been coming for the past month who will probably start pushing their “agenda” on us all! I suppose we’ll have to soon have a rainbow flag on stage in order to be “tolerant.” Have you seen the young people who have started coming to our church with their purple hair and their piercings- are they trying to look deformed? Do they own anything else besides skinny jeans and tops with holes? No one has instructed these young people on proper dress. We all saw that one guy with the green hair and the gauges in his ears who Jesus baptized last Sabbath- he still looks exactly the same and I think he is still smoking (We all know what it is he’s smoking, too!). Why did Jesus baptize someone who clearly isn’t following our health message?
The biggest issue for our church has been His opinion about our church funds. I’ve been giving to the sanctuary fund for 7 years now, as have many of you. I’ve dutifully marked on every tithe envelope exactly where my money is to go. I won’t say how much I’ve given over the years, but I will say that I have sacrificed for our church. However, Jesus has started this “mission movement” in our church. He needs funds to do this and we know exactly where He will want to take it from. He has told me explicitly that now is not the time to consider a remodel of the sanctuary. Are we going to let Jesus decide where our money goes in this church and when we should use it? Especially if it is used to bring the kind of riff-raff He’s been attracting here?
In light of the events over the past 6 months, I move that we disfellowship Jesus immediately so that the church can return to the way it was. There are plenty of other churches for Jesus to attend. If this action is not taken, I will happily move my membership to somewhere where the church feels comfortable, the sermons are familiar, and the attendees don’t have so many blatant and colorful problems.
Sincerely,
A concerned member
Six months ago we met to decide what we could do to help our dying, stagnant church. I proposed a solution: We would invite Jesus to attend our church. It was unanimously agreed upon, and we were surprised to find that Jesus came the following Sabbath.
Since that day, Jesus has been heavily involved in all areas of our church. We naturally assumed that given his background, He would be the perfect fit for just about all areas of ministry. Jesus has been a willing volunteer. However, I have noticed some things that have disturbed me and I know I am not alone in this feeling.
I first noticed feeling uncomfortable when I saw Jesus participating in our worship and praise service. The music was a bit too “peppy” and it seemed to cause members of our church, including Jesus, to clap along with the rhythm. We asked them to only do hymns from then on and to have only the piano accompany. They have respected our wishes. But Jesus’ response to the hymns are honestly worse. Every Sabbath He has tears rolling down His cheeks and waxes on about how beautiful the lyrics are. This particularly makes the men in the church uncomfortable.
We hoped that Jesus’ attendance to Sabbath School would be intellectually stimulating for many of our adult members who have grown tired of hearing the same lessons over and over again. Unfortunately, Jesus has spent most of his Sabbaths in the children’s Sabbath School wing. In the beginning this was disappointing, but we told ourselves that it was good for Jesus to influence our children. They are the future of our church, after all! But I have heard the rumors that Jesus has been reading to the children from the Message Bible. I’m not sure what else He may be introducing the children to. I’m afraid His radical ideas may be leading our children down a different path than what we want.
Speaking of His radical ideas, Jesus has encouraged a number of women in our church to pursue elder’s positions, to share testimonies with young adults and youth, and even to PREACH from the pulpit. He questions the validity of having the women prepare the potluck food during the sermon, despite knowing that our kitchen has speakers that can play the sermon while they prepare. This has been particularly upsetting to many members, especially to those who sat on the nominating committee and prayerfully considered who would be a good fit for different jobs in our church. Many men AND WOMEN have complained that they are not comfortable with some of the roles Jesus has encouraged certain women into. Jesus claims that God’s will is not always in line with our decisions. I was quick to point out to Him that if He actually attended our church board meetings, He would see that we do open and close with prayer.
Our church also looks very different from how it looked 6 months ago. The people that Jesus has been inviting and/or attracting to our church are, frankly, embarrassing. We have homeless people who smell bad. I’m not saying that to be rude, I’m just being honest. How can He expect me to gain a blessing from the sermon if I can’t even breathe! There are also the two gentlemen who have been coming for the past month who will probably start pushing their “agenda” on us all! I suppose we’ll have to soon have a rainbow flag on stage in order to be “tolerant.” Have you seen the young people who have started coming to our church with their purple hair and their piercings- are they trying to look deformed? Do they own anything else besides skinny jeans and tops with holes? No one has instructed these young people on proper dress. We all saw that one guy with the green hair and the gauges in his ears who Jesus baptized last Sabbath- he still looks exactly the same and I think he is still smoking (We all know what it is he’s smoking, too!). Why did Jesus baptize someone who clearly isn’t following our health message?
The biggest issue for our church has been His opinion about our church funds. I’ve been giving to the sanctuary fund for 7 years now, as have many of you. I’ve dutifully marked on every tithe envelope exactly where my money is to go. I won’t say how much I’ve given over the years, but I will say that I have sacrificed for our church. However, Jesus has started this “mission movement” in our church. He needs funds to do this and we know exactly where He will want to take it from. He has told me explicitly that now is not the time to consider a remodel of the sanctuary. Are we going to let Jesus decide where our money goes in this church and when we should use it? Especially if it is used to bring the kind of riff-raff He’s been attracting here?
In light of the events over the past 6 months, I move that we disfellowship Jesus immediately so that the church can return to the way it was. There are plenty of other churches for Jesus to attend. If this action is not taken, I will happily move my membership to somewhere where the church feels comfortable, the sermons are familiar, and the attendees don’t have so many blatant and colorful problems.
Sincerely,
A concerned member
Comments
Post a Comment