The Bible I Don't Read

Deborah was a prophetess who also was a judge of Israel. But Barak, a commander of Israel’s army, and others protested, saying, “Who is this woman who thinks she can sit as a judge of Israel? Has she forgotten that Eve was made second?” He also did not heed her advice to listen to the Lord. When Sisera attacked, no one could catch him or kill him and so Sisera and his army relentlessly ravaged the Israelites. Deborah continued judging Israel, but the people insisted on calling her “helper.” When Deborah insisted that she was called to be both a judge and a prophetess by the Lord, the people responded, “We shouldn’t care so much about meaningless titles! Just be okay with your role as a helper.”

Elkanah had two wives. One was named Hannah and was childless. The other’s name was Peninnah, who had several children and tormented Hannah to no end. Hannah cried to her husband, and Elkanah replied, “Aren’t I worth ten sons to you?” But Hannah was still upset and went to where the priest Eli was and began praying to the Lord. Eli immediately chastised her for her selfish prayer. “Do you not know that your husband has given you sound spiritual advice? Why come directly to the Lord and expect an answer if you have a husband who will tell you? Go home!” And so Hannah went home and discovered that her husband really was worth ten sons to her.

There was a woman named Naomi who had a husband and two sons with wives. It happened that Naomi’s husband died as well as her two sons. Ruth and Orpah were her daughters-in-law who loved Naomi very much. Naomi had to travel back to her own people, the Israelites. Ruth and Orpah wanted to follow this dear lady who had shown them the wonder of the great Yahweh. But, they supposed that their spiritual matters would be best served by the men still in their lives and returned to their brothers and fathers who led them back into their previous pagan lifestyle.

There was a beautiful and intelligent Israelite woman named Abigail, who happened to be married to a great fool named Nabal. David and his men were near Nabal’s land and David asked for food to celebrate a feast. But Nabal was angry and foolish, saying, “Who is David? I have servants to feed!” So David and his men planned an attack. One of Nabal’s own men came back to tell the intelligent Abigail, hoping that she knew how to prevent their slaughter. Abigail said, “It would be a good idea to meet up with his men with wonderful food before he makes it to our home and let the men celebrate their feast. But how can I do this? I am not permitted to speak or have authority over a man. In order to do this I would have to undermine my husband.” The next day David and his men put an end to Nabal and everything he had.

Esther was queen and still had kept her Jewish identity a secret. Mordecai begged her to go to the king and plead with him to spare her people. “Who knows? Perhaps for such a time as this you were chosen to be queen!” he said. Esther waited and waited for the king to summon her, as she wasn’t allowed to go to him unannounced. He never summoned her and Haman went ahead with his plans to kill all the Jews in the land. Esther mourned Mordecai in secret.

Mary and Martha were pleased to have Jesus come and visit them in their home. Martha was busy in the kitchen, preparing the food for Jesus and all the apostles. Mary, however, was sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening to every word spoken. When Martha complained to Jesus that Mary wasn’t helping, Jesus agreed saying to Mary, “Don’t think that baking bread and serving lentils is any less important than what these men are doing here. These men have a job to spread the good news and so I need them to listen. Your job is to make sure these empty stomachs are filled with that delicious stew you make!”

Once while Jesus was traveling with his disciples, Jesus was thirsty. He saw a Samaritan woman by a well and even though she was a Samaritan he asked her for some water. She wanted to argue with him. The disciples came to Jesus, astounded. “What are you talking to a woman for?” one asked. “I wanted water,” said Jesus. The disciples were relieved. For a moment they had thought that Jesus was about to discuss theology with a woman! The Samaritan woman angrily went home, feeling lonelier than ever. She did not want to talk about her encounter with the Jew at the well with anyone.

Mary was crying outside of the empty tomb of Jesus. She had supposed that his body had been stolen. She did not know that Jesus had been risen from the dead and was actually standing by her. Jesus saw her there and wondered why she was still sitting there. Shouldn’t she have ran back in fear as the men had? He went away to try to catch up to his panicking disciples. Maybe once they calmed down and realized what happened, one of them would tell this poor woman the good news.