Papyrus Press
King Herod, our taxing tyrant and bane of all of us Jews, has recently decreed that all infant males should be put to death. Inside sources tell us that the mad king continues to spew his nonsense about a secret king being born in his city of government, Bethlehem. He claimed that a few pagan astrologers had been seeking out this king, but no one has been able to track down these gentlemen. Many believe that the strain of "ruling" a city has led to his mental breakdown. If you have a male son, do your best to hide the child or flee if possible. The massacre of infants has already begun.
Prior to this, some shepherds had been spreading some false rumors about the birth of the Messiah in that same city, leading some to believe that Herod's insanity is contagious. These shepherds claimed to have been visited by angels who told them to visit a stable, of all places. There the shepherds found a Mary and a Joseph, new parents to a baby boy. This child is the supposed Messiah, if one were to believe these shepherds. Investigators have since tried to search for Mary and Joseph, but family members informed us that they quickly left one night, possibly to Egypt.
One family member told Papyrus Press that Joseph was not the father of the child and that he married Mary to keep her from being prosecuted by our Jewish laws. Another member stated that Mary and Joseph are from Nazareth and said, "A backwards town for a backwards couple." The family was clearly embarrassed that Joseph had come seeking shelter during the census. "I can't believe they would think to stay with us!" a distant uncle told Papyrus Press as he spat on the ground. "They think they are above our Jewish laws! I did pity the prostitute enough to let her use our stable out back to birth the child. Makes sense for her to be with her own kind. Heard they had a boy but I have no interest in ever seeing him or that woman again. Our Joseph could have done better. He shames our family!" When asked if they had heard the rumors of the shepherds that the child was the Messiah, Papyrus Press was immediately asked to leave. "To think that our Messiah would be born a bastard in a hick town, in poverty and humiliation! This baby will be lucky to shake off the manure he was born in."
We at Papyrus Press fully investigate stories, even the most ridiculous. From a mad king's paranoia to a group of sleep-deprived shepherds, we have you covered. If you hear of any of the Messiah-rumors, just ignore them. By next year, these rumors will be entirely forgotten.
Prior to this, some shepherds had been spreading some false rumors about the birth of the Messiah in that same city, leading some to believe that Herod's insanity is contagious. These shepherds claimed to have been visited by angels who told them to visit a stable, of all places. There the shepherds found a Mary and a Joseph, new parents to a baby boy. This child is the supposed Messiah, if one were to believe these shepherds. Investigators have since tried to search for Mary and Joseph, but family members informed us that they quickly left one night, possibly to Egypt.
One family member told Papyrus Press that Joseph was not the father of the child and that he married Mary to keep her from being prosecuted by our Jewish laws. Another member stated that Mary and Joseph are from Nazareth and said, "A backwards town for a backwards couple." The family was clearly embarrassed that Joseph had come seeking shelter during the census. "I can't believe they would think to stay with us!" a distant uncle told Papyrus Press as he spat on the ground. "They think they are above our Jewish laws! I did pity the prostitute enough to let her use our stable out back to birth the child. Makes sense for her to be with her own kind. Heard they had a boy but I have no interest in ever seeing him or that woman again. Our Joseph could have done better. He shames our family!" When asked if they had heard the rumors of the shepherds that the child was the Messiah, Papyrus Press was immediately asked to leave. "To think that our Messiah would be born a bastard in a hick town, in poverty and humiliation! This baby will be lucky to shake off the manure he was born in."
We at Papyrus Press fully investigate stories, even the most ridiculous. From a mad king's paranoia to a group of sleep-deprived shepherds, we have you covered. If you hear of any of the Messiah-rumors, just ignore them. By next year, these rumors will be entirely forgotten.
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